Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Teenagers are people who act like babies if they're not treated like adults.

   I don't personally like 4/20, national pot day.. my favorite is 421.. surprise drug test day.

   Before you judge the younger generation remember who raised them.

   My chinese friend died last week. So Yung

   A father's goodness is higher than the mountain, a mother's goodness deeper than the sea.

   Divorce is very stressful/confusing for kids. Make sure to CLEARLY explain what they did to make you & your spouse split.

   A dog will love you more then your wife... Don't believe me? Lock both in the trunk of your car for an hour then see which one will be happy to see you.

   What do you get someone who has everything? A round of antibiotics is probably a good place to start.....

   My girlfriend is rated "E" for Everyone:

   Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler! Don't forget to party with 70 virgins and Bin Laden!

   What occupies the last 6 pages of the Chrysler Car User's Manual? The bus and train schedules....

   US Presidential elections 2012, polls close. "So, Barack, how many votes did you get?" asks his wife Michelle. "Two," he responds. She slaps him hard across the face. "What was that for?" "You have a mistress, now do you!!?"

   Dear Karma – I have a list of a few people you missed. Sincerely, Me

   If you say “gullible” slow enough…it sounds like “orange”!

   surprise drug test day

   WTF.! is 'Snow' saying in the song 'Informer'.

   Love the F word... Friday! What were you thinking?

   I have you on the top of my "to do" list- thought you'd like to know! :)

   This is how guccimane face look (8o>-_-)

   everyone hopes for a happy ending...except inmates