Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   My son screamed like a little girl when he saw a spider so no paternity test was needed.

   Does Facebook realize when they put us in Facebook jail, they're separating us from our families?

   I sexually identify as please stop talking to me.

   I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. I'll even remove your duct tape.

   I’m suffering complications following my birth

   I reserve anal sex for special occasions. First dates for example.

   Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.

   I was feeling tough and manly until I realized the spider was on the inside of the window.

   I just cleaned my house by turning off the lights.

   I am a husband. Hear me apologise for something I did in my wife's dream.

   Crickets are really loud for something that gets eaten by everything

   Instead of testing products on animals, how about testing on people who don’t say thank you after you hold the door open for them. Just a suggestion.

   Business in the front, party in the back! Linda’s Accounting And Brothel Services.

   well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions

   People are so quick to think you smoke when they see a lighter in your room. Did you stop to think for a second that maybe, just maybe I use it to heat up heroin in my teaspoon Abigail?

   Maybe I talk to myself because I'm my own therapist

   Javascript is when your doctor writes you a prescription for more coffee. Everyone knows that.

   I talk a lot about sex for someone who doesn’t remember it.

   Establish dominance by waiting until your wife serves the turkey and then tell her you already ate.

   Ever hate someone so much you decide to start eating healthy just so you can watch them die first?