Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   i like to follow random people, star their tweets and throw in a trophy then quickly unfollow them. makes me a twitter ninja

   I started tramp stamp collecting. What? Its a real hobby

   watching the local weather girl and have no idea what it's gonna be like today....

   Time to delete my Instagram account now... Also,, what's Instagram?"

   If you are in very psychological relationship... Make sure (s)he's psycho and you're logical

   Me thinks that Zuckerberg bought Instagram because a girl didn't let him take her picture once

   Seeking a meaningful, romantic and deep overnight relationship... PM inbox for details... P.S. With Gas price at $4.25 a gallon, I'm not coming over "just to chill"

   Ahh Instagram,,,, Makes me wish I'd thought of cropping pictures into a square and applying Photoshop filters from 1998....

   Ever feel like your being followed ...cause I've been seeing someone behind your back.

   I Googled "Gary Oldman" and got some pretty disturbing images - he's really let himself go, I thought. Then I realised I'd left the "R" out.

   Our local Golden Corral "Chocolate Waterfall" was shut down tonight because the drain was clogged up with band aids again...FTW

   OK, it's been three days since I drank those 5 cups of vinegar and ate those dye tables, and I have yet to lay a beautifully colored egg. What gives?

   Five men in Boston found in a basement bound with duck tape covered in condiments! Dinners ready!

   Darth Vader: "Here, I made you some toast." ___Luke: "It's a little on the dark side." ___Vader: ".?." ___Luke: "Lol"___ Vader: "Lol"

   Disney's now letting its theme park employees grow beards. I don't know... I think some kids might get freaked out by Snow White's new goatee.

   My cat keeps telling me I have a drinking problem and that I need to seek help, but really I think he's just annoyed I won't stop singing.

   They say "dress for the job you want", but no one seems to understand the only job I want is to be the new Hamburger Helper Helping Hand.

   A study found that 40% of Tweets can be categorized as pointless babble... while the other 60% is serious commentary on Justin Bieber's hair.

   Should the phillies A) have mexican food night so at least someone at that stadium will get the "runs" or B) sign andy reid at least he knows what to do at the plate.

   Sometimes I wish I didn't live with this curse of being so awesome.