Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's not too late... we have the rest of our lives.

   Here's To The Kids Who are losing their will to keep fighting. Stay Strong.

   Its better to be a good person then to have a good body.

   Follow your heart ...but take your brain with you

   Thank you Jesus for dying today... Made my commute to work so much easier

   All I'm saying is if steroids are illegal for athletes, then Photoshop should be illegal for all of these Twitter & Facebook ho's.

   May you have a better Good Friday than Jesus had...

   Ah Friday...my second favorite "F" word!

   I saw a poor old lady fall unconscious in the snow today. Well I'm assuming she was poor, she only had $12 in her purse.

   I got my son a stripper for his birthday. My wife wasn't impressed, but it's not every day he turns 4.

   Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably sh!t.

   That uneasy moment the scales start singing Lionel Richie "Three Times A Lady" when she gets on.

   If you're using public transport never give up your seat to an old lady... That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.

   3-pack condoms are ideal for married couples: Birthday, Christmas, and Valentine's Day.

   It's hard to get the first kiss right. You want to be firm, but gentle; you want to be manly, but you don't want to wake her up.

   69… you get what you give!

   Good: Random acts of kindness… Better: Random acts of sexual kindness.

   I wasn't planning on going for a run today but then those cops showed up!

   My dog ate the garbage so told him he was bad,, He yelled "you're not my real dad!" and ran away ........ wait,, I don't have a dog

   It's a shame that Qatar's national airline is "Qatar Airways",, and not the far superior "Air Qatar".