Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Saw a boat with a sign that read "For Sale" so I added the missing "-ing"........................ Idiots.

   My Bucket List : #1. Rock down to "Electric-Avenue" #2. then take it higher..................(that's all I've got so far)

   The first rule of Suspense Club is................

   The word 'phonetically' doesn't even start with an F ....... FYI,,, crap like THAT,,, is why most aliens fly right past us

   Ever seen Cookie Monster's feet?......... No?.................. Well, that's Diabetes for you!!

   I often find myself rewording a long post so many times, that it completely loses the original subject... This one started off about bacon

   Stupid people aren't flammable enough.

   I never make the same mistake twice.... Dozens, maybe hundreds of times-but never twice.

   When my mom texts me, I respond, "Can't talk now, I'm driving I'll call you when I ge" then ignore all texts and calls for 4 hours./.Hi-larious

   Foghorn Leghorn would have made a terrible, I say, would have made a terrible, I saya terrible poster.

   Imitation is the sincerest form of crabmeat

   Saw a baby goat rescue a baby sheep........ I kid ewe not

   Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation,, even if I'm not sure what it means

   "Where the streets have no name"...That,, my little ones, is probably why they still haven't found what they're looking for.

   People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.............................Benjamin Franklin

   When you put marshmallows in a ziploc bag, then label it "snowman's poop" just so you can show everyone at Show&Tell,,,, you're obviously gonna grow up and be a Superhero...

   Been looking on Craigslist all day for a pirate ship

   I wouldn't be much of a trophy husband. I'd be more of a thanks-for-participating-ribbon husband.

   Sometimes I'll play air bass instead of air guitar just to mess with people.

   My Political-Plumber friend says it's --- Lefty liberal, Righty up-tighty