JOser Funny Status Messages

   I'm on this insane diet. So far, I've lost my mind.

   I just responded to a text message someone sent me a year ago with, "yeah, sounds good. Let's do that."

   A leopard can't change its spots, unless it has Photoshop.

   Bronchitis is my least favorite dinosaur.

   Eating kidney beans is a very small step towards cannibalism...

   It's obvious that Ed Hardy is g@y. No straight man would decide he would rather design clothing than solve mysteries with his brothers...

   All my friends who have Girlfriends want to be single... All my friends who are single want girlfriend friends... As for me, I just want a slave...

   wants you to know that you have my undivided, continuous, partial attention.

   Thinks that if I was a zookeeper, I wouldn't even bother putting anything in the chameleon exhibit.

   Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt... hehehe suckers!!!

   Still working on an electromagnetic pulsating device to disable cell phones in theaters. For now, please continue making do with neckpunches.

   If food at McDonald's looked anything like on the commercials, McDonald's customers would look even less like the people on the commercials.

   What kind of troopers does the Empire use when it's nice out?

   I saw a sign that said END ROAD WORK. I find it annoying too, but I don't think I would protest against it.

   Reminder, fellas: bra cups come in sizes AA, A, B, C, D, DD, OMG, WTF.

   I'd still be extremely impressed with a one trick pony if the trick were juggling.

   You can't talk to me that way. Seriously, turn towards me so I can hear what you're saying.

   Every Ice Age starts the same way. With a lonely squirrel just tryin' to get a nut.

   Look, all we have to do is put little pieces of paper with mystical-sounding gibberish on them inside these cookies -- we'll make a fortune!

   I saw a PETA add with several attractive women saying “I'd rather go naked than wear fur”. Please, no one tell them there's a third option.