Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Ironically,,, I HATE it, when people say "like us" on Facebook.

   When my grandkid loses his 1st tooth, I'm putting $1 under his pillow and a note that says "I'll be back with a hammer for the rest. -Tooth Fairy"

   Once I participated in a "Nice Guy" 5K Run..... We all finished last.

   Sometimes I feel like I'm a Fruit Loop in a bowl full of Cheerios.

   Every time I post,, I get a rush like I'm releasing a little animal into the wild... A hideous, deformed animal that no one will ever love...

   Okay, I'm lost... Can someone please lend me Facebook: Seasons 1 and 2 ???

   OK..... Not making a Latin American joke today was one of my Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooals

   My pet rock turned 4,000,000,001 today

   "Oh, I already have that one." Is a good thing to say when someone shows you a picture of their kid

   OK... This Addiction with raking has got to stop,,,, If you pick up that rake again,,, I'm leafing....

   Relax,,, We're all crazy.. It's not a competition.

   Some people think I'm pretty funny until they marry me.

   He's making a list,, and checking it 42 times,,, then washing his hands 11x,, and finally touching the sleigh 3x for good measure...: OCD Santa

   And the moral of Little Red Riding Hood is,,, Learn to differentiate facial features between a wild dog & a human...

   I have NO idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.

   Don't even TRY a home invasion at my house,,, I've got legions of Lego people ready to launch a campaign of foot pain terrorism at my command...

   I DON'T want to brag,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, So I won't,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, See how that works?

   The days of good grammar has went by from now on

   Hmmm,,,,,,, I think this coffee is broken

   I'm old school when it comes to video games and by that I mean I turn into a senior citizen who yells "which one am I?" every 30 seconds.