KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   Who do I speak to about quitting adulthood?

   Men resolve a fight with a fist fight. Women resolve a fight with years of backstabbing, name calling, rumor spreading & social exclusion.

   I promise, I'm only gonna have 2 beers tonight.... 2 beers in dog beers

   You seem insecure. Let's go out for drinks.

   I went on Twitter this week. Don't worry, they are not getting any sex there either.

   Masturbation is like math. You can always count on your fingers.

   Girl Logic: I'd like him a lot more if he ignored and liked me a little less.

   Forget about sexy, I am bringing good manners back!

   I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.

   I just dropped my phone, is everyone okay?!

   Life is better after having sex. Or when you know you're about to have sex. Or when you know someone is dying to have sex with you.

   Quitting whilst you're ahead is all very well until it comes to sex.

   I'm the type of person that gets distracted by the race between the grey & red bars on Youtube, and forgets about the video.

   When will companies understand their packaging is being opened by human beings not robots?

   “I make it rain on them hoes.” - Clouds

   The most popular costume tonight is "girl that won't talk to me."

   I'm 94% sure I'm going to die in a running in flip flops incident.

   I want my 15 mins of fame to happen in the bedroom.

   A quick and easy way to take care of a problem is to light it on fire.

   Marriages are made in heaven by angels who themselves are happy bachelors.