Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   10: I whip my hair back & forth. 16: I pass my blunt back & forth. 30: I drive my kids back & forth. 80: I rock my chair back & forth.

   Almost all serial killers are men. That's because women like to kill one man slowly over many, many years.

   What do you get when you set Fire to The Rain ... STEAM ! Lots and Lots of Steam !

   We are living in a age where losing our mobile phone is more hurtful than the break up!

   H.O.E.S. Happily Offering Everyone Sex.

   I should be ashamed of myself but I'm not ! Ok !

   Drinking wine alone is not lonely, it's romantic. Damn self, you got nice eyes ;)

   For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.

   I hate it when random people calls me up and asks, "Did I call the right #?" ........"No buddy, you called the Left one!"

   (-.(-.(-.-).-).-) easy now... The Chinese mafia is watching.

   Tragedy strikes Honah Lee. Puff the Magic Dragon, last seen as he frolicked in the mist was found dead by the sea. Not a good start to the Chinese, Year of the Dragon....Police are seaching for Little Jackie Paper. Foul play is suspected.

   Only half an hour to Republic day. Hope you all are photoshopping your DP with the tricolor background already.

   Hood word of the day:TIED Usage: I'm not going out tonight bruh, I'm tied as hell

   You fall, you rise, you make mistakes, you learn, you've been hurt, but you're alive. You're not perfect, you're human.

   When dogs sniff and pee on a tree, that's like their facebook.

   Random disturbing Thought for the Day~Where do cops in nudist colonies pin their badges?? Or...hide their weapons for that matter........

   I'm pretty sure going down on Lindsay Lohan is like licking a 9-volt battery.

   5 out of 6 people feel the need to tell other people their dreams, while 6 out of 6 people don't give a sh!t.

   I love making people laugh. I just hate it when it happens when I get out of the shower and It's my wife. LOL!

   A girlfriend once told me, "You only ever hear what you want to hear!" "Thank you," I replied. "You're right, I am amazing."