Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   It's never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".

   Social media is great if you like socializing without wearing pants.

   If I fell and hit my head really hard maybe I'll go see the new Baywatch movie.

   That concludes the Time Travelers Club meeting, see you all last month.

   My diet can be best described as carb loading for a marathon I'll never run.

   I just keep telling myself you guys don't have sex either.

   Babies are participation trophies for men.

   I think my cat is a Scientologist.

   I'm we had to wait 3 years for a new movie to be released on VHS years old.

   Game of Thrones, at its core, has always been a show about how much it sucks to be a horse

   As I get older and I remember all the people I've lost along the way I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me

   I wish I could match my dog's excitement to go outside.

   I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.

   You can't tell me what to do; you're not my demons.

   The fatter the man, the more Hawaiian the shirt.

   Please pray for all the people at my last job. They're fine but they still work there

   I graduated at the top of my anger management class

   If I wanted human interaction i'd take my headphones off during this date.

   I get all the cardio I need by digging my own grave.

   There are two types of people in the world. Please stay away from both of them.