Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   Whenever life knocks me down, I just roll over and gaze at the stars!

   Some of you ladies really need more practice hiding your crazy, at least until he marries you.

   Avoiding responsibility one bottle of vodka at a time.

   A woman told me that I was right today. Did hell finally freeze over?

   For you to insult me, I first have to acknowledge your existence.

   Candy Crush just sold for $6 billion in case anyone is looking for a reason to join ISIS

   You changed your profile picture and I changed my mind.

   Taking care of your drunk friends inadvertently prepares you to be a father or mother.

   Not now kids. I'm managing my online empire.

   Gf: are you crying right now? Me: *hides Adele's new album* what? hell no. Real men don't cry babe.

   The only time I believe in luck is when a married man has sex.

   Compliments are for women. Accusations are for men.

   anyone else gonna run for President or is this all we have?

   I listen to gangsta rap sprinkled with a little Adele. Will I murder you? Will I buy you a puppy? You never know.

   They called it boxing because fisting was already taken.

   Have as much sex as possible while you're still single. You can abstain when you get married.

   Could you imagine knowing someone interesting enough to actually want to talk on the phone? Me neither.

   Let me stop you right there. You just made me think of a status.

   I miss the good old days before social media when adults acted like four year olds in private.

   “I've dissected our earlier conversation and I think I might be mad at you.” - WOMEN