Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   This is the worst carnival ever. I can't believe they blocked the street off for this. Sir, this is a crime scene.

   eating something immediately after brushing your teeth must be part of the things you do during recruitment as a terrorist.

   Whenever I want to lift my spirits, I use a shot of whiskey.

   I still think I'm in my 20s sometimes...until I try to do something like I'm in my 20s.

   Blind belief is so often the death of reason.

   How much for the girlfriend? Sir that's a bottle of Vodka.

   I've outsourced my LIKES, Birthday wishes and comments on your post and pics to a firm in India. So if Sanjay isn't showing you enough love, please let me know right away.

   Lets not judge a whole race by the actions of one mad man. Race generalization must stop.

   The most interesting thing about me is my lack of interest.

   When I die people are going to be like "wait... I thought he already died like a decade ago?"

   Kindness, compassion, open mindedness, and unconditional love. That's my religion.

   Complicated, for two please.

   Alcohol? Yes. Feelings? No.

   Only reason I’m here is to find a trustworthy babysitter.

   Coworker: I saw you at Starbucks this morning but didn't say hi Me: Thanks

   You know who else says I'M FINE when they are clear not fine? Satan

   How are we supposed to cure cancer when we can't even find a cure for selfies?

   If they ever start handing out medals for not participating in anything, that might be my moment to shine.

   If you need me, I'd be surprised.

   We've never met or spoken in person, so why should I be offended by your worthless opinion internet stranger?