Maureen Funny Status Messages

   don't put words in my mouth...my foot is already in there.

   thinks animal testing is a terrible idea; what if they get all nervous and give the wrong answers?

   Best part of being a grown-up? You can eat ice cream whenever you want!

   Oh, I'm so sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

   If at first you don't succeed, do it the way I told you!

   Just heard a weird noise from the other room, but refuse to call out “Is anyone there?” I've seen the movies...those people always die!

   just asked my son - where would you be without your mother? His answer: "Probably in the middle of traffic, without my jacket on, talking to some stranger."

   Can you smell that? That's fresh-brewed coffee mixed with Friday...delicious!

   whenever I want to stop an aggressive salesman, I just interrupt his spiel and ask, "Yes, but does it work on cats?"

   My house looks like a tornado sat around all day and watched TV.

   Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore.

   operating a safe distance from genius this morning.

   has found that when my son says "the other day", it can mean any time up to a year ago.

   When people ask me for advice, I tell them, “Use your best judgment,” which they clearly don't have if they are asking me for advice.

   difficulty trusting someone with colored contacts...they have already lied to me once.

   If I can`t easily reach what I dropped…I begin to justify why I don`t need it.

   Etc. – used to make people think you know more about a subject than you actually do!

   stuck at work – and by “stuck” I mean drinking and by “work” I mean sitting in the recliner!

   discovered pretending I'm sleeping to avoid something never gets old!

   If a clown offers you a hamburger, and it's not Ronald McDonald, should you accept it?