K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   I'm feeling kind of heavenly today, I just turned water into Kool-Aid.

   Why is it when I go to McDonalds they ask if I want ketchup and they give me one packet for for my large fries. I go to Taco Bell they ask if I want hot sauce and I get sixteen packets for two tacos.

   Has anyone seen MySpace Tom on Facebook?

   I got to thinking about when Hugh Hefner who is 85 was dating that girl who was 25......That would be like me dating a girl who would not be born for another eight years.

   I can rise or shine...take your pick.

   Only use deodorant under one arm....that way you know what you would have smelled like.

   We've been duped. After all the books I've read, I can't believe it took me this long to realize they are all written with just 26 letters rearranged in different order. What a rip-off.

   The hurricane is losing strength, damn. I was hoping for a new boat in my front yard.

   I saw a man in a dress, with a hearing aid, smoking a joint. One of those high deaf TVs.

   One good thing about hurricane Irene. The news has pre-empted NASCAR on the east coast.

   I wonder if they get hurricanes in India? Let me call there and find out, what the number to AT&T?

   Had breakfast at Waffle House, as I was leaving the waitress said "Have a waffly day". Now I'm thinking great, a whole day of indecision.

   I keep seeing these commercials for Coors beer with the cans that have these blue bars on them that tell you when they are cold. Back in my drinking days, I just felt the can. Are people really that stupid these days?

   I keep being told what to watch for in the GOP debate tonight......I checked every channel and it's not televised, Thank God.

   Understand women?....I think it would be easier to drive to Hawaii.

   Trying to pop a zit in the middle of my back with bar-b-que tongs and a mirror.....sucks living alone.

   I hear that boxers don't have sex before a fight. I guess beating the crap out each other after sex would hurt their relationship.

   I'm not homophobic, some of my best shirts are gay.

   Only in West Virginia would see a bumper sticker that reads "Proud parent of a nephew"

   Damn, my foot's asleep, now it's going to be up all night.