Brodieking Funny Status Messages

   The only time you'll ever catch me poppin a molly is when that b1tch is talkin sh1t. #powrightinthekisser

   Don't forget to set your clocks back 200 years before you go to bed tonight.

   If Drake rapped about coming out of the closet: I started as a bottom, now I'm queer!

   You can really see how much Americans care about their government when they are more worried about GTA Online's current shutdown instead.

   That moment you read a girls status that shouts out how much she loves her "brother", meanwhile you know shes an only child. #friendzoned

   Goal for 2014: Continue to live forever. So far, so good.

   To all the Jehovas Witnesses: Happy 12:30am on a Wednesday!!!

   To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!

   Comcast acquiring Time Warner Cable is like Nickelback and Creed deciding to go on tour together.

   The sale of Time Warner Cable to Comcast will be completed between 8am and 1pm depending on if the CEO is late at another appointment

   Congrats to Comcast! Finally, somebody is happy to have Time-Warner Cable.

   No, for the last time, I do not want to build a snowman.

   I don't like the idea of having to go on in a world where good people like Robin Williams is no longer with us, but Justin Beiber is still alive and well.

   After getting an astronomical quote from my mechanic, I am going to try the ABS challenge. That's where I drive my car without anti lock breaks, until someone donates for me to get it fixed!

   it me? Or do these new iPhone 6 issues have a lot of people bent out of shape?

   This just in: iOS 8.0.2 comes with a new toggle switch to straighten out your bent iPhone 6 Plus.

   Dear Interwebs, You guys go nuts over a stupid dress, and now Spock is dead! This is why we can't have nice things. Stop it, K? Thx.

   Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.

   Judging by my news feed this week, people are outraged by the amount of recent killings AND trespassing on personal property from Pokémon GO players. Stop the madness, people!

   No matter who wins, they will likely be impeached and their vice president will take over