JOser Funny Status Messages

   Don't worry about people from your past, There's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

   just drove passed a Budweiser Delivery truck wrecked on the side of the freeway, oh the humanity... I'd like a moment of silence please...

   me and procrastinating have this love hate relationship going on.... but I'll do it later...

   Never end a sentence with a preposition. Incorrect: Thongs crack me up. Correct: Thongs up me crack.

   I think Eminem should become a dentist just so he can say "snap back to reality, oh there goes a cavity."

   I feel sorry for our ancestors who used to have to wait days or weeks to hear from friends that they were laughing out loud.

   I think you misunderstood me. I said "go phuck yourself" with a PH. So, that makes it cool and not remotely offensive... Phucktard.

   As a man, it scares the hell out of me that North Korea has a missile called the "no dong."

   It wasn't until Rick gazed upon a photo on her facebook after 4 kids, and 80 pounds that he finally stopped wishing he had Jessie's girl.

   Disinfecting my kitchen right now with the glass of vodka and Red Bull that I just spilled all over the countertop.

   I'm totally over LOST. I don't even care anymore. I don't miss it at all. Do you want to drive by LOST's house and see if it's home?

   Can you call the Geek Squad if you just want to give someone a wedgie?

   With great power comes a great electric bill...

   I never pick up the house phone....But run a mile for the Cell Phone.

   The new version of Pac-Man was so awesome, it came with a search engine built into it... Can we have it back...?

   I took my dog for a walk and played Frisbee with him, but he was useless. I really need to get a flatter dog.

   Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line???

   Either she's wearing last night's clothes or she had alcohol and shame for breakfast.

   No you must have misheard. I said that the job was "below me".

   Ed Hardy makes condoms now? Fine by me. I think we can all agree that anybody who buys one probably shouldn't breed.