JOser Funny Status Messages

   I miss The Oregon Trail. Life seemed so simple when your biggest worry was killing enough buffalo before you died of dysentery.

   Where did Macaulay Culkin get the cardboard people for the party in Home Alone? Don't tell me you haven't also wondered this from time to time.

   The Deadliest Catch would be so much cooler if they'd plant a serial killer on each boat.

   My philosophy? People who have creepy dungeons probably don't wear a watch. So, when a stranger asks for the time, I pepper spay them.

   The best things in life are free.... or have no interest or payments for one full year.

   Parents inThis Economy is soo bad... Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

   The law says I can't drive with an open container, but it says nothing about jello shots!!

   A Prius just tried to race me from a stop sign. I totally had it for the first 100 feet, but I can only walk so fast.

   "It's time to take back our country!" Fine. Just return it to your nearest Indian casino.

   my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall

   once cops get smart enough to put a breathalyzer test at the end of a Taco Bell drive-thru WE'RE ALL SCREWED!

   I think I have a combination of Alzheimer's and ADD. I can't remember what I wasn't focusing on

   Stop crying. You asked what I thought of your haircut and "macho" is a compliment where I come from, lady...

   I wonder if cows refer to their sons as cowboys.

   Today I tried the whole Yahoo vs Google thing. I typed "Why is there." Yahoo gave me "Why is there fuzz on a tennis ball" and Google gave me "Why is there a drunk Chinese man doing push ups on my front lawn." Google wins yet again

   I'll tell ya, there's nothing better than a cold beer(s) after a long hard day of laying on the couch...

   They wouldn't have to ban texting while driving if they would just legalize driving through red lights...

   The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.

   You call it poor parenting, I call it raising free range children.

   My bank is the worst. They're charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can't even afford to be broke.