Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages
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You know why divorce is so expensive? Because it's worth it.
I don't chase after girls... unless I have my inhaler with me.
Difference between men and women: Women can change their mind whenever they want. Men can change their mind whenever the woman wants.
I don't think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I'm pretty sure that's how I'm feeling today.
I'm just looking for a reason not to drink
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
[In the gym] hey guys it'd be a lot easier to lift these weights if we worked together
Being human is expensive and exhausting.
If it requires pants, its not happening today.
Having a beard while wearing a suit says "I am a professional who might go through your trash later."
Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes
People who say stuff like "everyday is a new day" are also the same fools who say sh*t like "apples are fruits" and "women are humans"
Somewhere someone's therapist knows you.
The way this woman squealed when getting proposed to is the exact same reaction I had when I found out the restaurant serves 3lb. lobster.
There's a Black Friday sale at my house, pants are 100% off
Pretty bad when your dog farts so loud he has the nerve to turn to see where the noise came from.
I am bored .Think I will go to the mall, find a great parking spot and sit in my car with my reverse lights on .
No thanks speed dating. I'll settle for being awkward one date at a time.
Meetings are 20% small talk, 5% what the meeting is about and 75% wasting everyone’s time.
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