JOser Funny Status Messages

   Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?

   I'm about to conquer a mountain of BBQ meat so epic that my utensils are a beach towel, safety goggles, and police tape.

   I wonder if gay people ever say things like "Oh my god that is SO straight."

   Attention all joined-at-the-hip couples: "Inseparable" and "Insufferable" sound alike for a reason.

   After doing some research, It turns out that not EVERYBODY was kung-fu fighting. It was just this one guy

   I'm super sick, and while I don't need anyone to nurse me back to health but I'd like someone to pick up my tissues and let me be mean to them..

   After 2 years I finally found the back piece to one of my remotes. This means more to me than it probably should.

   ♫ If you're crazy and you know it take your pills! ♫

   Hiding peoples status' on your news feed is the best way of sayin f*ck you're annoying but I don't wanna delete you cuz you'll notice.

   Whoever said "two wrongs don't make a right" has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.

   If I had nothing left to complain about, I'd complain about that.

   Hey lady in the other car, eating and talking on your cell phone. It's called a Ford Focus, not a Ford Multi-task.

   Don't worry... I'm a doctor on the Internet.

   every time Sarah Palin speaks, a moose dies...

   I need to throw that guy a "get a life" jacket...

   I can't help but notice the majority of People Magazine's "Never Before Seen Photos" are photos I have no desire to see at all..

   just saw a commercial for the Hogwarts place at universal... so down to take shrooms and go, who's down?

   Cyber sex is not as easy as it sounds. I should have picked a less crowded Starbucks.

   When I was a kid, Cheerios only came in one flavor.

   Some day Bristol Palin will tell her child "I made $15,000 a speech telling kids how to avoid making a mistake like you!"