Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   Only if these women were as thorough in choosing a man as they are in choosing which selfies to upload on facebook maybe they wouldn't get heartbroken so often.

   Disappointment usually stems from expecting too much from strangers on Facebook.

   It's so depressing how the <3 symbol looks like someone dropped their ice cream cone.

   If I wanted your opinion I would have married you.

   *at my own wedding* Can I please stay in the car?

   I bet you won’t judge the tattoos of the person saving your life.

   Suggested serving size is only for skinny people right?

   Sorry I keep forgetting you're not my therapist.

   I like people the most when I'm by myself.

   Sorry I can't make it to your event. I came down with a bad case of I hate you.

   Objects in the selfie are way sadder than they appear.

   Hey guys, just to let you all know I'll be closing my facebook account in three days. But in four days I'll be explaining why I didn't leave

   In hell, you have to pick just one person to have sex with for the rest of your life. Wait...

   No Grandma, EBOLA is not a new perfume from Kim Kardashian

   "Excuse me, are you using this mirror?" - Me, at the gym

   january 2014: "this will be my year" august 2014: "I swear 2015 will be my year"

   Just seen a picture of Rihanna fully dressed. Man these hackers don't sleep.

   Samsung won't stop until they create a TV so curved it watches itself.

   People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"

   I kept it gangsta...but, it was like 19% gangsta.