KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   I admit I am hot, but don't blame me for global warming.

   The guy who invented underwear must have sounded crazy.

   What doesn't kill me, might make me kill you.

   A drunk person is just an awesome version of a sober person.

   If you watched a movie of my life backwards it'd be about a guy who refills vodka bottles and puts them back on the self.

   For me, the sexiest part of a woman is her mind coz that's where she decides if she's going to have sex with you or not.

   Bro she just called you blind! OH HELL NO! Where is she?

   In Whiskey and Women… The young ones are fine, but I prefer the older ones — well aged and full-bodied.

   My homework brings all the Asians to the yard, And they're like "It wasn't that hard."

   RANDOM FACT: Having eye contact for more than 6 seconds without looking away or blinking reveals a desire for either sex or murder.

   It's okay to laugh during sex, just don't point.

   SWAG is for BOYS and CLASS is for MEN.

   When in doubt, put some booze in it.

   I am not saying I hate you or anything but if you were ever badly hurt and I had the only phone to call you an ambulance I would order pizza delivery first.

   I love driving behind old people. You can get so much done: eat breakfast, lunch and dinner, read a book... write a book, etc.

   A woman drove me to drink, and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

   I saw these two blind guys about to fight and I shouted, "My money's on the one with the knife." You should have seen how fast they both ran off.

   I know a few women that would be considered very handsome if they were men.

   Never compliment a girl on Twitter, she'll reTweet it and make you look thirsty.

   Skype Conversations: 5% Hey, how are you? 95% CAN YOU HEAR ME?!?!