JOser Funny Status Messages

   Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?

   Ummmm, got drunk and tried to adopt a kid again...

   white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to f*ck cuz its not my time of month"

   Her bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that sh*t together with floss...

   I have a better idea. Tell your boobs to stop staring at me, it's very distracting

   When a guy asks what you do for a living he'll probably walk away when you answer, "Y0ur m0m." But the look on his face is totally worth it.

   Yes, I know the muffin man, Why who wants to know?

   I can't fall asleep with all these people honking at me. Go around!!

   What's another word for word?

   Sex is like Jenga: you pull out and try not to make a mess

   I've downloaded the Darth Vader voice and labeled my final street destination "Your M0m" Just to hear: now turning on y0ur m0m

   Somebody make her a dude so I can punch her!!

   Light switches that flip up for off should be banned

   Some people are put off when I greet them with a kiss. Maybe I should use less tongue?

   I sympathize a lot with Darth Vader because he had so much trouble juggling career and family.

   F*ck the real world,let's all just be pirates!

   I made eye contact with someone in traffic and then didn't let them merge. I feel like a James Bond villain.

   What I meant to text: 'sweety pie'. What I actually texted: 'sweaty pig'. Proofreading: it can save relationships.

   Arguing about Facebook is so Myspace.

   sometimes I find hope at the bottom of a bottle of vodka.