Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   How much for the antidepressants? Ma'am those are puppies.

   The amount of stuff coming out of this woman's handbag as she searched for her keys, I wouldn't be surprised if that missing Malaysian plane is in there too.

   After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.

   Give me constant mixed messages so I know..............nothing.

   I asked her how her day went 4 days ago and she is still telling me about it.

   This Facebook is really cutting into my other time wasting activities.

   Relationship status: "Yeah, we can totally go out, but first, I need you to take this short spelling test."

   Sorry I vomited all over your inspirational status.

   My favorite Steven Seagull movie is Executive Decision because he dies in the first 15 minutes.

   Women who claim their favorite TV show is Keeping Up With The Kardashians, are just confessing they'll give blow jobs for a shopping spree.

   Kim Kardashian is back in the studio, working on an album? She's turning her sex tape into a musical?

   Kim and Kanye have been married WAY longer then I expected.

   In the rest of the world, it’s called “football,” but in America it’s called “Let’s see what else is on TV.”

   “You make me a better person.” - Me talking to my cup of coffee.

   No, seriously. My dog called 'Shotgun' - get in the back seat.

   Kanye looks lovingly at Kim... "Thank you for coming to my wedding."

   Sweep her off her feet guys. Chicks are really impressed with UFC skills

   Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.

   Lonely, Sober and Miserable sound like the same sh*t to me.

   every stamp is a food stamp if you eat stamps