Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Ha!.. More like social needia, if you ask me....... ....Please go ahead and ask me

   "I hate being half bicycle-half motorcycle" he moped

   I Was just involved in a 'Canadian standoff....' (we were each holding the door open, insisting the other go first)

   It puts the lotion on its skin,, or it gets the eczema again.

   This years summer swimsuit look is going to be a little something I like to call... busted can of biscuits.

   Yeah Right,, like YOU'VE never told a screaming child in 7-11 you had a surprise for him,, reached into your pocket,, and pulled out a middle finger...

   I Google-Earthed your house...... You're out of toilet paper.

   I think all the women who don't get a rose on the Bachelor should at least walk away with a cat.

   FYI,, All I did from 1988-1994,,,, was try to get the shards of Cap'n Crunch out off the roof of my mouth

   Hmmmm,,, Why are long underwear like 42% crotch?

   it, "kindergarden" or "kindergarten"?... I'm just wondering what grade level I need to start all over from.

   "That's not what I meant".................... *men

   Coffee so black,, it's boycotting the Oscars.

   1: Acquire scuba gear. 2: Strap duck decoy to head. 3: Dive in local pond. 4: Enjoy unlimited free bread crumbs.

   The pottery scene from Ghost, but with a gyro meat spit.

   If you can't remember my name, just say 'donuts'.... I'll turn around and look.

   Well.. I was going to vote for a candidate but I saw a meme on Facebook,,, so now I'm going to vote for another candidate

   I miss the days when I was smarter than my parents.

   Just once I wanna see someone climbing Mt Everest with a cigarette hanging out of their mouth.

   To convert Celsius to Fahrenheit,, you double the number in Celsius and add thirty.. To convert someone to Mormonism,, you double the wives and add 10 kids.