Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   Lies I'll never stop telling my boss: No you're not bothering me Yes I'll meet the deadline Facebook? Never heard of it!

   It's cool how Bruce Lee studied philosophy & poetry then applied it to something beautiful like punching people in the face.

   I was gonna call you... but I'm still sober.

   How do you say "I don't care" in every language known to man?

   Transformation Tuesday! Throwback Thursday! Flashback Friday! Never underestimate a woman's ability to find a reason to post a selfie.

   I'm surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y'all.

   How I hate people who initiate a conversation and don’t continue with it.

   Some girls should drink alone so they don’t get pregnant, again.

   People think that in Africa we ride lions and elephants to work. That's ridiculous, we don't have jobs.

   courage turns quickly into fear when you attempt to kill a cockroach and it flies.

   A friend doesn't question your motive, they just keep their mouth shut and dig.

   Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.

   Women's biggest mistake: thinking men can read their minds Men's biggest mistake: not trying to read women's minds

   I didn't know how badly we're losing the war on stupidity til I joined Facebook.

   If by exercise you mean grabbing my phone out of my pocket every two minutes then yes I exercise a lot.

   I wonder how many people's phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"

   Life sucks, But sometimes you get to have sex, And sometimes you get to drink beer.

   Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.

   This vodka tastes like it needs more vodka.

   -Do you take drugs? -No. -Ever tried them? -Never. -You seem very nervous. -I'm just not used to being questioned by a unicorn.