Snotty Funny Status Messages

   "Dad?..." Yes Son?.... "Where do baby horses come from?".... Well, when a mare and a stallion are really in love… "Yes…" …and in a stable relationship…

   To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.

   The Native Americans used every part of the iPhone,,, even the stocks app and game center.

   My Shark Week lights are still up from last year.

   [Shark Tank, 1928] Inventor: I call it Sliced Bread... My Great Grandfather: I like to decide my own bread thickness,,, and for that reason I'm out.

   If you put a rusty penny in a glass of Mountain Dew overnight,,, in the morning Abraham Lincoln will be riding a snowboard.

   26 years later,, and we still haven't touched this

   A group of mistakes is called a life......... next question

   A good way to revoke Bill Cosby's medal of freedom would be to slip him drugs and then take it while he's unconscious...... next question

   If you urinate in a pair of swim goggles and strap them to your face you won't need Instagram anymore....... next question

   I've been trying to leave Rome for weeks,,, but all their roads have this weird design flaw.

   [live debate] What's your stance on gun control?.......... *poses like a Charlie's Angel.......next question

   [Enter Password] drapes [Re-enter Password] carpet [Error: Passwords must match]

   Go ahead, tell a woman she can do whatever she wants, like she wasn't already.

   If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?

   actually "Deez Nutz" isn't that far away from holding up "the rear" of the pack

   By the power vested in me... I now pronounce me going to sleep

   But seriously guys, ,,,, almost every time I've had cake I've eaten it, too.....................so

   So now that oil is so cheap,,,, maybe we should start drilling for black printer ink.

   So remember, ,, for every action,,,,, there is an equal and opposite social media overreaction