Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   Ladies; you’re all crazy and men are idiots. You just need to find the idiot that matches your crazy.

   If she doesn't arch her back for you during sex, she is just no that into you bro.

   If your boss says we have to be more flexible in this department be afraid. Be very afraid.

   Why do fools fall in love? Because smart people know that, odds are, it will end horribly.

   Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on? Asking for a freak.

   Sometimes I use words I don't understand so I can sound more photosynthesis.

   Being a gentleman in these times is a thankless job. I tried to compliment a seemingly nice young lady and ended up having to explain that I'm not, thirsty, creepy or a stalker.

   Don't fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.

   "She's cute I swear, let me find a better picture." – Me telling my friends about my new girlfriend.

   “I can't wait to drunk text this girl who doesn't give a sh*t about me.” - ALCOHOL

   Coffee will never tell me I had too much to drink last night, unlike some people in this house

   Judging from my last 5 relationships I am convinced my heart is trying to kill me

   If no one is there to touch you, are you really there?

   Twerking is the crocs of dancing.

   I wonder if bank robbers have a safe word?

   Find someone you're good at.

   You don't have to believe in a book to be a nice person and treat people right.

   If you say Snoop Dogg's name three times in the mirror, your weed will disappear.

   Why Do Women Wear Floral panties? In Loving Memory Of All The Faces That Have Been Buried Down There.

   What's cardio, and can I eat it?