GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   McDonald's is the only restaurant I know that repeats everything you said and still gives you the wrong order. 🙀

   And yet again this morning No one was standing Next to my bed Saying Your Royal Highness here is your coffee.

   Please pray for my wife. Nothing is wrong with her. She's just married to me, and I am a lot.

   You know it's going to be a bad day when your imaginary friend files a restraining order on you.

   Men marry a woman, hoping she's a nymphomaniac, and in a few years, the nympho leaves, but the maniac stays.

   The three stages of life: Wanting stuff... Accumulating stuff... Getting rid of stuff.

   I had a dream I was at work. I woke up and called in because I ain't working twice.

   Get my tires rotated? Uh, pretty sure they rotate while I'm driving but thanks.

   Everyone needs a friend who they shouldn't be allowed to sit next to at a serious function.

   As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how the scarecrow could talk without a brain. Then I got social media.

   You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch really isn't that bad. It's kind of manly, makes us feel like we are out camping... with a really angry bear nearby.

   Don't block all of your haters. Leave one or two so they can report back to headquarters.

   I hate it when I'm talking to myself and suddenly realize I wasn't listening... and then have to start all over again.

   My body knows how old I am, but my mind refuses to believe it.

   I can't dance to save my life, but when I step in dog crap, I can moonwalk better than Michael Jackson.

   Around this time in 2020 we couldn't find toilet paper. Now we can't afford it.

   Not to brag, but I was alive when you could SLAM the phone down to hang up on someone. It was spectacular!

   I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do... It's because I missed my exit.

   Marriage tip: When your wife asks what's on TV, do not say dust.

   People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer per day.