Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Welcome to loneliness club. Today we have special guests,,, Bag Of Doritos and Season 5 of Lost... Since it's just me, let's go ahead and start.

   And the award for best neckwear goes to....... Hmmm,, Well would you look at that, it's a tie

   Welcome to Sign Language 101,, Can anyone tell me what this red sign is?.. Anyone?.. Anyone??,, It's a stop sign... How about this yellow one?... No?... Hello?,, What, are you guys deaf?

   FYI: A ton of people is only like ten or fifteen people.... or 5 Wal-mart customers

   I may be married to the sea, but I'm seeing 2 of the Great Lakes on the side,,, Yeah,, it's Erie how Superior they are.

   GOOD NEWS EVERYONE,,, Comedy Central has just secured the rights to show all of the NY JETS regular season.

   Why hasn't Head and Shoulders shampoo come out with a body wash called "Knees and Toes" ?

   I'm sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.

   lol no thanks,,, my tires rotate themselves every day

   Read an interesting article about the "iPod" at the doctor's office today.

   I have tweets with one or no stars,, so yes Grandpa, I can imagine what the Vietnam war was like

   I'm ABSOLUTELY positive I'd accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.

   Million dollar idea: Make 2 million then get married.

   Anxiety: The poor man's colon cleanse.

   I know they say cell phones have more germs then toilets,,,,,, But I'm just not tasting that much of a difference

   Million dollar idea: Vasectomy booth at Disney World exit.

   When I want to break up with a person, I wait until they're sitting in my car, then I press the button that disables the passenger air bag.

   WebMD says this thing on my back is called a Wife, and, left untreated, it is usually fatal.

   Am I the only one sad that Nick Cannon and his Mom are breaking up?

   Dear Santa, please help my dad find some milk and cigarettes so he can finally come home