Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I probably would be celebrating St Valentine's today but I have scruples and can't forgive Madonna for dating that male dancer Ahlamalik Williams.

   Waiter: What would you like? Me: I’ll have the Double Deep Fried McMeme Supreme with extra spicy cream.

   Whoever discovered DNA, I hate that person so much. We can't even get away with crimes these days. This sucks ass!

   The problem with quotes by famous people you see on Facebook is you never know if they're authentic or not. Albert Einstein,

   I just want to make you hot. Mess your hair up. Get your blood flowing. When I chase you around the house over the last piece of pizza.

   Now that Valentine's Day is over and cake candy and flowers are 50% off, if anyone's interested I'm single!

   I avoided the fat little chubby kid with wings carrying a weapon and marking myself safe after The Saint Valentine's Day Massacre.

   Just remembered that it's Halloween and won't be getting any trick-or-treaters this year, which is all good as I might need my fast food condiments to help survive the Coronavirus.

   Love Sunday bourbon but sometimes "message failed to send," is your four leaf clover

   millennial: I wish for death boomer genie: did you say debt millennial: no boomer genie: too late

   Whoever said "Rome wasn't built in a day" needed to log out of Facebook.

   we would like some pollen

   Over the top, over the top, over the top. Stop with the Jan Brady already .

   I think the word alimony should be spelled aliMOANy

   I would love to incite a fight after a UB40 concert.

   I think some of my friend's have substituted their prescription meds with Facebook to feel thankful during the holiday seasons.

   Roses are red, violets are blue, I need a valentine, how about you?

   Hi, my name's Mike. Mike Unstinx.

   If taking cat naps at work as often as I do had anything to do with it, then I'm pretty sure I can sleep my way to the top.

   My mom says hunnie your room is full of trash I be like mom my ex isn't here anymore