Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You millenials have it so good --- we could only like 6 songs max and had to carve their names in a rock

   Deja boo - the feeling that you've been afraid of this before.

   Chameleon cashiers give the best change

   I'm already a mess. I just need to add some hot to it.

   Drinking with your significant other is always a fun time so please respect our privacy at this crucial time.

   Where can I go now to get a good vodka, steak and mortgage?

   I liked Avicii's songs especially the ones where he features the guys who sing the entire song

   We are all free to walk our own path. My path is full of my husband’s socks and shoes

   As a New Yorker " aight bet " could mean " I totally agree with you" or possibly your life is in danger

   I started out this year with a goal of losing 30 pounds and I only missed it by 35 pounds

   I've only been on Facebook new Dating for like 5 minutes and I've already been matched with a hammock, a new pillow top mattress, a Honda Civic and a... oh wait this is Facebook Marketplace

   The neighbors are already putting up their Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving who have obviously been shopping in Walmart.

   I'm tired of girlfriends treating me like a god, as in only call on me when they need something and ignore me the rest of the time.

   Grading system for students in India: A - Average B - Below average C - Can't have dinner D - Don't come home F - Find a new family

   Have I ever been in a stable relationship? I’m not into livestock, you sick twist. What’s wrong with you? Why did your mind even go there?

   I should have been more careful then making my New Year's resolution to hang out with more than two of my Facebook friends in 2020

   I think my song is "Let It Go" because whenever I mention love, they sing it.

   Watching the hilights of the rockets yesterday and it looked like Harden had his talent stole by the Monstars #spacejam3

   My favorite part about switching back to standard time is getting to relive the last hour of my life. A real live 'do-over'

   Anyone not doing anything except looking at Facebook, or not doing anything because you're looking at Facebook, want to hang out?