Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I still miss that part of 2020 when it was illegal for people to come near me

   Today I asked SIRI to recommend an apple product I can afford. She replied Apple Juice.

   The economy is so bad right now, I received a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

   Everyone picks their nose at some point, it's what you choose to do next that defines who you are as a person.

   This administration is going to be looked at as the worst administration in the history of the United States. The entire country is being laughed at, and it's been, complete embarrassment

   He’s on the second month of a rent free 4 year lease he’s taken out in your heads. Cry harder.

   So you guys all have matching Hamas scarves or what?

   Facts Don't Lie. In 2017, he inherited a 75-consecutive month of economic growth and destroyed it in 4 years time.

   Look at this little f*ggot trying to keep up 😂 Got bullied again at the local bar last night by real men who actually know how to please a woman? We own you now. You, are our b*tch LOL

   Hoes be looking for guys with the same initials as there x. So they don't have to edit they tattoos . Lol

   New goal: To go an entire day with seeing or hearing anything about Elon Musk.

   Home Schooling question: Does having your kid fix you mixed drinks count as chemistry?

   November should have one more day because to me November 31st sounds real. NOT just because I wrote it on a cheque.

   2024 Recap Fatigue: “Another ‘Top 10 TikTok Trends of 2024’ list just dropped. Spoiler: We’re all tired of them. Except that one trend… you know the one.

   Hug your mother today. Tell her you love her.

   I'm a firm believer that every traffic jam begins with one idiot.

   People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer per day.

   In terms of fractions, the football quarterback is more revered than the halfback or the fullback. Does that mean if there was an eighthback, he'd be considered Godlike?

   I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure.

   Cancer is like being on an airplane falling from the sky and praying that the pilot can pull it out.