Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I’m going to start telling women that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in

   Saw a news story today about a woman breaking down in tears getting harassed in a parking lot for driving a cyber truck. Tee hee 🤭

   I am exceptionally proficient with profanity. Some say It’s a gift….I say it’s a curse. Lol

   How does Melania Trump get ready to dance and strip on stage at her new job? She does a line of coccaine.

   Someone's been spreading a rumor that I'm schizophrenic. Well, 3 can play at that game...!

   I call my peeniss Joe Pesci, because I haven't seen that little guy in years.

   One night a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said ‘It’s going to rain.’ His wife asked, ‘How do you know?’ He replied, ‘Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear

   The Disney Channel should be renamed "Celebrity Prehab."

   You know they once made a movie about constipation, but it never came out.

   I have exciting news. Today I used a piece of plywood, that I've kept in my garage since 2003, incase I might need it.

   Alguém poderia me direcionar para um site engraçado de mensagem de status?

   How do I politely ask can I 😋 ur 😼

   Working 5 days a week just to be free for 48hrs just doesn't sit right with me.

   I smell pizza. I think I'm having a Little Seizure

   Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember

   The gateway to "make up sex" is arguing. Go start a good argument and then give in for the reward.

   Pete Buttigieg couldn't run a go cart track, at Buster Green's Fun Park and Bait Shop.

   Daylight Saving Time.....Sheesh. Gimme a break. Know what? I give it eight months.

   BBL payment plan is crazy. Now you workin yo ass off to pay yo ass off.

   Country music