Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What king od socks do Pirate wear?......AAAARRRGYLE

   The truth is the enemy of the fruit section. The fruit section can't handle the truth that their g @y behaviour and lifestyle is abnormal.

   Not trusting the government does not make you a conspiracy theorist. It makes you a history buff.

   It’s very funny to me that in The Wizard of Oz Glinda is like “only bad witches are ugly” five seconds after asking Dorothy if she’s a good witch or a bad witch.

   You can't say you support gay marriages without being gay yourself. You are just a closet gay in serious denial.

   I really am glad those Egypt people got they freedom....But let a Mo Fo hit me with a rock and wez gonna have some problems....

   Lindsey Lohan changed her name to Houdini because he use to make stuff disappear also.

   If Coldplay and Mumford & Sons got in a fight... Miley Cyrus would win.

   there a video feed in my bedroom that I don't know about? All these people talking about "He is risen" are making me suspicious this morning...

   I don't know about you, but I think it's patriotic to be poor and misguided.

   How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?

   Yes, that smartphone in your hand is the gateway to the sum of all human knowledge. And you are searching for 'kids funny drive thru'

   climbed to the top of Mount Everest and said hey I can see my house from here

   I am only ONE, but still I AM ONE. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. And because I can't do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do =)

   I Wud Rather Die |REAL| Than Live Something |FAKE|.

   there's only one Return and it's not of the King, it's of the Jedi.

   I was so happy I could die, but decided to play a love game with brown eyes and now I'm speechless. Who would've thought a monster could make me dance in the dark..... Talk about your bad romance!

   What do you do if an elephant comes through your window? ........Swim for your life !!!.......jlm

   Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, lady, well, shame on Lionel Richie.

   "Sport has the ability to change the world, the power to inspire, the power to unite people in a way that little else can. It speaks to people in a language they understand. Sport can hope where there once was despair. It is an instrument for peace."