Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My bracket is destroyed. I had Inga, Bjorn, and Johan in my Swede 16.

   "Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention. I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you to stop what you're doing and listen..." Anchorman gets a sequel!

   Here's a good one: What's funnier than "I/'m bad...really bad". ....Everything!!!!

   let me be your next instagram

   I told a lady at work she had foundation problems. She said that I had never seen her house. True, but I could smell her face.

   if common sense was made out of chocolate you wouldnt have enought to fill a smartie...

   After several years I finaly saw the whole picture ... Damn you A.J. and Nick, you ruined the growing potential of the Backstreet Boys !! :p

   ha today is10/10/10

   Wishes Cesar Millan could wisper to these dern mosquito's and tell them to leave me the hell alone!

   The miner in best shape came out last.. You know that kocky one with the abs,"El Situacion"

   Recent reports indicate MuhamedBob FlarePants was both lonely and depressed. Do you mean all we have to end the war on terror is to prescribe them Prozac and give them a puppy?

   the doctor said pops has sugar in his urine now we cant stop him from peeing on his cornflakes.

   I'm hosting a rave in Rome, Italy. What a Riot!

   Only Till Facebook came Along Did We Realize How Much We All Like.

   I was trying to bribe the dog on my way home. But he just stared at me then lie upside down, wiggles his tail and leave. I guess, language barrier is the reason...

   Babies have big heads and big eyes, and tiny little bodies with tiny little arms and legs. So did the aliens at Roswell! I rest my case.

   I don't believe I ever heard a man speak worse English with more difficulty, than Christiano Ronaldo in that Castrol commercial xD

   I clear sign that the recession isn't over I just drove past a cat holding a homeless sign WTF???

   annoying heat; it's not the heat, its the stupidity...

   going to go camping at North Korea State Beach and play a great camping game of Hide-and-keep-hiding!