Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Does anybody out there know the co-ordinates of all of the Nudist Colonies on earth? Or at least a few?

   I'm sorry I said the Nazis were also a party when you invited me to celebrate your birthday.

   October is the month you affirm your socioeconomic status by going to a dirty farm.

   Candy corn is just regular corn that has daddy issues, smokes Marlboros, and has a kid out of wedlock with a guy named Bo.

   You buy ready made chocolate milk? Well, aren't you just some kind of titan of finance?

   5 year plan? I havent even planned this sentence volcano.

   Every time I play NBA2k, I’m deeply offended there are no short players with minimal basketball skills. How could I not be represented in a game that has nothing to do with my life?

   Haven't looked at Facebook in a while and have been doing things I don't normally do while looking at it like reading books, verbally talking to friends, noticing my surroundings and showering.

   I think politeness is important. That's why I offer my seat to a lady when I get off the bus.

   Robert Kraft: From Super Bowl Ring to Prostitution Ring

   May the 4th be with you all today.

   Anyone know where I can find a Facebookers Anonymous meeting? Asking for a friend.

   Just a motivational facebook post to myself to help me be more productive today - Log Out.

   Me- wtf who ate all the Oreos?? 17-you did. Yesterday. I saw you. Me- go to your room.

   This youth group broke the number one cardinal rule of making money at a Car Wash. They let the fat chick hold the car wash sign.

   if your PC gets a virus from a porn site, is that a STD for computers?

   Just got a email from a Friend Regarding Saturday Night's Halloween Party .................. "Just because you Dressed up as a Brontosaurus doesn't Mean you can Poop in my Yard and Roar at my Neighbors!"

   I've reached that Stage in Life that when a Woman whispers seductively to me to, "Give it to Her" ....................................... she means my Credit Card

   If putting a straw in a Capri Sun is evidence of my stabbing skills, I hope I'm never in a knife fight.

   All I want for Christmas is an air hockey table. It will go great with my air guitar.