Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Trump's golf instructor gave him a great tip this morning. He would have much better hip rotation if he took his head out of his butt.

   Where are all the peaceful Musl/Ms marching against terrorism?

   Trump hooked hiis drive out of bounds on the sixth hole today. Blames Democrats.

   Several Russian prostitutes seen headed to Trump Golf Course in Virginia today for "meetings".

   Trump is the oldest elected President the US ever had, which means we will witness his transition from paying people to pee on him, to him peeing himself.

   Melania better drink a lot of coffee and water today, because it will take several minutes of getting peed on to help the Donald recover from this blow.

   Trump's healthcare defence is similar to his "grab them by the P" defence. Bill said much worse than I did. Their plan is much worse than my plan. I believe that is known as the loser's limp reaction.

   Note to self - when you elect a joke candidate, you get a joke President.

   Rick Perry has only done 3 things as Energy Secretary: Deny climate change, attack a gay student, and... I can't remember the third thing.

   I guess I missed the chapter in "The Art of the Deal" about getting rejected by the Freedom Caucus.

   Trump is already claiming that voter fraud is to blame for losing health care vote.

   What burns Donald Trump more, losing the Trumpcare bill or his herpes that he referred to as his "personal Vietnam"?

   New chapters in The Art of the Deal sequel: 1) Insult Your Way to an Unpassable Health Bill. 2) Build the Wall and Make Mexico Pay Nothing.

   Who needs health insurance when this current administration makes you want to die every half hour on the hour?

   Democrat bill would force Trump to disclose White House and Mar-a-Lago visitors, including Vladimir Putin and Kanye West.

   Devin Nunes is also sorry: 1) He told your abusive husband where you were hiding. 2) You were born poor. 3) He didn't ask Vlad for more cash.

   Donald and Melania Trump reportedly sleep in separate bedrooms. That's a good idea, Melania's crying keeps Donald awake at night.

   Today reminds me of that old Schoolhouse Rock episode, "How a Bill Becomes an Embarrassing Failure By Paul Ryan."

   Global Warming Upside all thanks to the Republicans: Beach Front property in Oklahoma.

   I'm watching the Puerto Rico Open on TV and I don't a single one of the golfers is Puertorican...