Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm not reading between the lines, I'm reading the lines.

   Wonder how there could be a Facebook group on Facebook calledFacebookers Anonymous which must be like trying to hold his successful AA meeting in a bar.

   When an object is not symmetrical, it is called asymmetrical. When an organism doesn't use sex to reproduce, it is classified as asexual. So therefore, my conclusion is if a person doesn't have a soul, they are an asoul.

   What happens when you throw a Finnish sailor overboard? Helsinki

   Ironically, the mullet was probably created to STOP necks from getting red.

   Trying a store brand version of Frosted Flakes which I just have to say are GRRRRRRRRRoss!

   When I woke up this morning my wife said "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."

   If your ever wondering who your real friends are on facebook just delete your account and see who calls.

   have you noticed ..not a single girl used face app

   If you puncture a hole in a garbage bag in order to roll down your window, you might be a redneck

   When you realize that Strap-On is No Parts spelled backwards.

   Lower my gluten intake the doctor said. Over my bread body!

   Just a motivational facebook post to myself to help me be more productive today - Log Out.

   Recently I've been reading the book of Jeremiah, because not only was he a bullfrog, he was a good friend of mine as well.

   Why storm Area 51 at all? Just dress up like an ailen and wander around outside the fence. They'll catch you and take you inside.

   The problem with quotes by famous people you read online is anyone could have brought them. Thomas Edison,

   I collect memes like kids collect Pokemon cards. any good memes you want to trade?

   Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, so who the hell are you?

   The Lion King is the best way that people from Michigan can see a group of Lions come together and win

   Shout out to the guy in the Beamer who gave me the finger for honking and waving at him. Your cell phone is on the roof of your car!