Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ....MMmmm Santa, I'm so naughty I'll turn your HO HO HO into OH OH OH!!

   We don't need new applications, We don't need no ad control, Some light sarcasm in my update, Hey! Facebook! Leave us kids alone! All in all it's just another post on my wall.

   learned that the best gift of chirstmas is seeing the disappointment in a childs face when you tell them santa isn't real.

   Channel X Is Temporarily Not In Service. Please Tune In To Your Own Life For Your Regularly Scheduled Broadcast.

   didn't come to be loved, he came to be hated. From the root to the fruit.

   : eanie, meanie, minie, moe, caught a Tiger with his ho.

   he was once know as Tiger, now he will be known as Cheetah..u play & you pay, new prenup with a swingers clause since Tiger will never be satisfied with a hole in one....

   my goal is to stop drinking, smoking and swearing, holy#$#% my cigarette just fell into my wine. gotta go

   Think about it If there where no men in the world there would be no crime, but all women would be happy, and Fat!

   the best part of you ran down your mothers leg

   Cheer up, The worst is yet to come!

   All in all, this is just another... post on my wall

   Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. She said "I don't know exactly... but put me down for a 5."

   Was told I am a naive realist...from what I can see they are wrong

   MERRY XMAS EVERYONE (Yes I know it's a bit early, but I thought I'd start with you miserable and argumentative plebs first!)

   has found an artificial leg on a bus and is going to give it to his wife as a Xmas present. It should make the ideal stocking filler!

   I was thinking about becoming an atheist, but I thought screw it, you don't get any holidays.

   I think what I want most out of life is to die in my 90's owing a s**t load of money and shot by a jealous husband.

   hate it when I get stupid fortunes from a fortune cookie. I feel like I got cheated!

   if you tell the truth..you don't have to have a good memory.