Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Some people stick their foots in their mouth every once in a while. Every once in a while I pull mine out.

   playing his oompa loompa flute while wrapped in a snuggy

   Now that food has replaced sex,I can't even get into my own pants.

   Don't you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really did'nt want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.

   Even Its Complicated Relationship Status iz Too Complicated For Me

   Life is too complicated in the morning.

   Gotta [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅] to make you Holler

   has the 3 best friends that anyone can have. ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪ (from the movie "Hangover")

   thinks the Amsterdam smoke shops should begin limiting marijuana consumption to the Nigerians that are about to board planes heading to Detroit.

   Now is the time to get ready for 2010! Whatever your plans, write them out and map your way!

   there are no shortcuts to any place worth going...

   I trust you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do tonight

   thinks Facebook needs another relationship status: commitment phobe

   A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

   Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

   Friends are like Christmas lights. Some are broke, others just don't work for you....and there are others that make your day shine bright.

   Watching the neighbors climb in their SUV with dirt shovels and a rolled up carpet hmmm.... oh well

   Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time you need them, chances are you won't be needing them again.

   Drinking beer and watching Nascars , People ask me what's my favorite kind of beer I tell am an open one!

   There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.