Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   determined to break into the Porn Industry in 2010. I'm not going to listen this time to anyone who says I'm over qualified!

   says the funny thing to do is get in a elevator where everyone is going a couple floors up and let a silent one go and watch peoples faces

   How do you change the world? One single act of random kindness at a time. Everyone needs to forget about unrealistic New Year's resolutions... Pledge to do something you can actually do daily and it works: Be nice to others.

   • Do you know one good thing about Monday? ...I can't think of anything either. OK Monday, here I come.

   shocked by the attempted plane bombing. After all those emails about lotteries and wealthy strangers who want to transfer hundreds of thousands to my account, he thought we could trust the Nigerians.

   ... so the failed bomb was sewn to the inside of his underpants? How does that impact his hope of 72 virgins? Just imagine his expression as they stomped out the fire. :O

   For my new year's resolution I will think of a password other than “password”

   on double secret probation through the end of the year!

   I understand Rush has lost a lot of weight recently...Crystal Meth is amazing!

   Has used many of these's [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅] to help women further their education..or say that was what I was told at the time...

   I got an idea for MTV....Film The Real world at my house....The real world, where your wallet is empty and your mailbox if full of bills!

   making his own underwear bomb. Anyone know how to sew?

   doing a crossword puzzle. Need a 7 letter word that may or may not contain the number 6

   May your troubles last as long as your New Years Resolutions!

   (_|_) (_/_) (_\_) doin the Happy Dance!!

   's motto for 2010: You got a problem with me, solve it, can't stand me, sit down, think i'm trippin, tie my shoe, can't face me, then turn the f$%# around!!

   Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late and see the New Years in. Middle age is when you're forced to.

   has a new drinking game. Everytime a politician whines and/or blames the other party for something, take a shot.. Because politicains are a bunch of overgrown can-do-no-wrong crybabies with major control issues.. . I htihnk I tis a afgoodo gfame

   changed his/her relationship status to "None of you damn business"

   Since saying "Happy New Year" doesn't seem to give people much luck, she's going to say "Have a bad New Year" and turn thier luck around!