Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   stronger than a bear, wiser than a fox, endowed like a stallion.

   New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.-James Agate

   A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

   Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.

   Happy and Safe New Year and Enjoy a Wonderful 2010 ~ Worry Less and Relax More ~

   getting OLDER remembers when he needed glasses to see blackboard , NOW he needs them to see SCHOOL !!!

   Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.

   Internet postings show that the Northwest Airlines terrorism suspect was depressed and lonely. Apparently the thought of arriving in Detroit just put him over the edge.

   Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.

   would like to take all of the warning labels off everything toxic and weed out the stupid people in my life

   New Year's Day - Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

   Most folks are gonna stay up til midnight to see the new year in.....I'm gonna stay up to make damn sure the old year leaves.

   Remember when the terrorist had the bomb in his shoe? That's the reason why we've gotta take our shoes off at airport security now. This most recent terrorist had the bomb in his underwear. Enjoy your flights - I'm going commando now...

   If there weren't geeks in this world, then there'd be no cool people. I'd like to thank all the geeks.

   wondering how to get blood and coffee stains off the ceiling

   ..New Year's Resolution: Drink More. Fall Down Less. She'll put that to the test tonight.

   ..if i.....if I remember new years eve, then there is something seriously wrong.

   not a fan of becoming overweight and bald, but is even less of a fan of doing something about it.

   using reverse psychology for the New Year. Since wishing people a “Happy New Year” has not brought people much luck throughout the years, she has decided to turn their luck around and wish them a bad New Year so……Have a bad New Year everyone!!!

   Remember when Ronald Reagan was president, we also had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash still with us. Now we have Obama but no Hope and no Cash