Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   given permission to get her B#T#& on. I am really looking forward to tomorrow.

   "Why didn't you answer my phone call?" Oh, sorry I was dancing to the ringtone

   called Rick Astley last night to see if I could borrow some of his Disney Pixar dvds. He said "sure, no problem, you can have anything you want", but I'm pretty sure he's never gonna give me "Up."

   no matter how you spell Gaddafi , it still spells DENIAL

   Kirsty Alley...Ralph Macchio.?....they should call it "Dancing with the has beens."

   Hey you look familiar aren't you in my AA?

   Dam you Charlie Sheen, your making Danny Bonaduce look normal.

   Home school kid caught dating his teacher.....whoa what?

   who kicks an owl on the soccer field? and why is it headline news?

   I've lost my mind! But that's okay, as sick as it is it won't get far!

   I bet the last time you got a piece of ass is when your fingers slipped through the toilet paper!

   Shes great on the piano but she sucks on the organ lol

   One ovary asks the other ovary "Did you order any furniture?" "No, why?" "Because there's two nuts out there, trying to shove in an organ."

   Stop taking pictures of yourself in the bathroom... It's never sexy to pose where you poop!!

   Nothing kills your weight loss success, like thinking you can wear spandex.

   A holy war over Muhamid Ali? seriously? ...what? ...oh my bad.

   Told my wife I was getting my swagg on...she said just keep it off her couch...grrrrr

   Christmas 2011 : Justin Bieber Barbie

   you want a good idea for "Survivor" ? How about Suvivor: Compton.

   come to America to study, go home and become a terrorist...cancel the student visa