Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Hey Obama! Swedish called, they want their Nobel Peace Prize back!!

   7-11, mini-mart, and several gas stations will be closed due to a death in the family...

   ‎7-eleven, mini-marts, and several gas stations will be closed this week due to a death in the family...

   some call it Self-medicating....we call it Happy Hour..

   Craigs List: ROOMATE WANTED!! Recently vacated room needs some TLC (carpet shampooing, wall cleaning/patching, ect..) Muslim family of 13 looking for a clean, non smoking male that is preferably NOT on the FBI Most Wanted list.

   I hope Spongebob & Patrick make Krabby Patty's out of Bin Laden!

   Let's hope that Bin-Laden didn't make horcruxes.

   You know your tired when your alarm doesn't wake you up straight away, instead it just blends into your dream

   Happy Star Wars Day, May the 4th be with you! xx

   First England takes over the news with the Royal Wedding, then America with Osama. I predict a talking kangaroo within the next week...

   Maybe the people that say money can't buy happiness are just buying the wrong stuff?

   I would really hate to be a politician...mostly because I couldn't say "fock you, a55hole" any time that I felt like it. :)

   May the fourth be with you.

   Watch, Lady Gaga's going to buy Osama Bin Ladens body & wear it to next years Grammys.

   Everything is made in China except for babies... they're made in VaChina.

   How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

   It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!

   Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills…making the last car payment.

   I love watching two girls meet each other. It's easily the most fake thing I have ever seen.

   Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers.