Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Remove the vowels from FEMALE. 
This copy of Windows is not genuine... Dang, I'll never find that guy that sold me Windows from the trunk of his car... He seemed legit. Lesson learned.
im not much for masterbation but it did go off once while cleaning it
kim kardashian: she's the kinda girl you could pee on
The Beastie Boy's song, Paul Revere, is more historically accurate than what Sara Palin said about him.
I would pay $1,000 to watch Sarah Palin explain the plot of LOST in her own words.
there has to be a woman out there thinking to herself right now..." man I wish someone would pick me up like a bowling ball"
Dear my money tree, why must thou look like the charlie brown christmas tree?
I had a great time fishing with my uncle until he looked up at me and said he's going to show me how to bone a fish.
Lazy Rule #23 :No Shower Is Needed, If your Not Going Anywhere...
Dear Memory you suck at your job, you only work when you want to.
You know you have Southern Roots, when you try and eat cornbread with your Capt'n Crunch.
"Hello this is Rachel at card holders services." I wish I knew where she lived cause I would Knock the snot out of her then I would call her 20 times a day and say "Hello this is cyndi with knock the snot out of you services how did it feel."
Big sunglasses are an ugly girl's best friend.
Dear McDonald's Cashier, Don't look at me like that. Last time I checked, there was NO age limit on Happy Meals.
when everything seems overwhelming, I just reassure myself that I will die someday....
This is 2011. Giving me $10 to cut your grass will get me as far as mowing "F**K YOU" in it.
I don't know why all these gamers are in the news, moaning about PS3 and now Nintendo being hacked. Back in the day I once hacked my ZX Spectrum, and got infinite lives on Chuckie Egg. It was awesome.
a ring is round and never ends and that's how long that we'll be friends
thinks, therefore I am...suffering from a headache! 