Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Eventhough Mexico won, they still lost. Cause they have to go back to Mexico!

   Mexico beat us in soccer. That is bs! The government should start mass deportations asap.

   I bet the origin to the phrase, "When the sh!t hits the fan," is one heck of a story.

   Pshhhh I did not fall… The floor looked at me funny so I used my mad ninja skills to attack

   I've never seen Scarface, but I have quoted the "little friend" line at some really inappropriate times.

   When someone tells me smoking is harmful, I throw my cigarette down and say "Serious? There, I've just quit! Quick let's go warn the others!

   All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening

   If you have something to say raise your hand, and put it over your mouth.

   A beer lover is born with a beer compass within. He always knows where to find it!

   what do you call a Chinese man with a camera?....... Phil Ming

   What do you call a group of chickens? A bucket

   i do not always use internet explorer but when I do, its to download a new web browser

   My neighbor must have not paid her internet bill. I can't get on the internet.

   Just Because You Know My Name Doesn't Mean You KNOW Me

   Girls are not toys. You cant pick them up and drop them whenever you want.

   I have more friends on Facebook then I do for real

   People have champagne taste with a beer budget in a materialistic world...

   If I started feeding our pig sugar now. Would I have to make the glaze later or would it come built in?

   Typical Saturday Morning: Who's bed is this and where are my pants?

   in the worst pain I've ever been in!! Hit a dry spot on a Slip n' Slide.