Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A real woman will not accept expensive gifts from a man she is not prepared to accept into her life.

   Before asking someone why they hate you, slap and ask yourself why you even care.

   facebook messing up your relationship??? well dial this number 1~800~LOG OFF!

   A recent police study found that you are much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

   I might be your ex but I'm better than your next.

   Some guys mess up and lose a good woman because they are so used to dealing with sluts that they have forgotten what it takes to keep a real woman.

   Your "ex" can be your worst enemies. They know your weaknesses, secrets and your personal business.

   Playing with her heart is lame. Decide what you want the girl or the game.

   Running away from your problems is a race you'll never win.

   That rather uneasy moment when you tickle someone and they aren't ticklish.

   You know you're fat when you run out of breath eating.

   Ladies: If a guy ever tells you he's “crazy” about you, then you better believe it because we rarely use words like that.

   Men dont lie; they just tell you what you want to hear.

   Wondering if Nancy Grace's hair will actually move when she starts dancing on "dancing with the stars" or if it really is just a blonde helmet

   How many of you cowards would go deer hunting if the deer could shoot back?

   well if you need more space then join NASA baby.

   Nobody on television curses more than the Roadrunner

   If your rent is paid, your cell service isn't shut off, your neighbour has paid his wi-fi bill and you got weed money, then you have your sh*t together.

   The Home Alone house is up for sale for 2.4 mil. I'd pay 2.5 (if I had it) just so I could say, "Keep the change you filthy animal."

   I wouldn't know how to act if Mr. T approached me and he was nice, I would be hella confused