Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You can't ruin a friendship with sex. That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles

   There's nothing that irks me more than guys fawning all over a hot, yet insecure dysfunctional actress type on facebook, as if they're gonna "get some". It's like watching people kissing the a$$ of a train wreck.

   FB needs to change it's status to, "It's Complicated!"

   What's the big deal about the Facebook changes? This is a free social media site you chose to use. Get over it or don't use it....seems simple to me

   Turns out saying "I'm just trying to be supportive" is not a good excuse for trying to hold a girl's boobs

   I have to ask my wife where she wants to go for dinner at 1 pm so that the restaurant is still open once she finally makes a decision

   We all need to make a pact right now that there will be riots if Hollywood tries to remake The Goonies

   Lady in the commercial for the life alert necklace said she fell. Laid there for 8 hours til her friend came. Why didn't the cameraman help her up?

   Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.

   My family was too poor to buy hooked on fonics.

   A Girl that knows she's beautiful never has to tell people about it.

   have you seen what facebook wants to do to the profiles now? zuckerberg needs a timeline of when he gave the ppl what they liked

   I miss me when I'm gone.

   So you saying I have a better chance in getting hit by a piece satellite then winning the lotto tomorrow!?!? WTF!!

   Make crime pay...become a lawyer.

   Since Facebook shows when you add new friends, it's only fair, and would be quite amusing, to show when you delete someone...and why.

   Stupidity is not an inherited trait, but for some it comes quite naturally.

   Please stop looking so attractive. I m trying to stop liking you.

   Never fear the unknown; embrace it! Never avoid challenges; welcome them! Never fear negativity; laugh at it! Never walk away from difficulties; confront them! True success can never be achieved without overcoming some sort of obstacles!

   If you update your status more than three times in any 24hour period you have too much time on your hands - and should probably get a job.