Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Elementary math problems are weird. "'I had 10 chocolate bars and ate 9. What do I have now?'" Oh, I don't know... DIABETES MAYBE!!!"

   It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown, but it takes even fewer to give the finger to whoever made you frown.

   I miss the days when you could simply push somebody in the pool without wondering if their iPhone is in their pocket!

   Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, the middle one is for you!

   I think I have pretty nice nipples for a guy. Not bragging, just stating a fact.

   i like my women like I like my stamps, lick them and send them on their way.

   I just don't get it. One minute their telling you that they don't appreciate being treated like a piece of meat and the next their covering themselves with oil and baking themselves in a tanning bed....... Women.

   To stimulate the economy we must first find it's "G-SPOT".

   Cancer must be Chinese. It took our Jobs.

   Likes are like crabs. Regardless of what you say - if you're trashy enough, you'll get them often.

   4S = for steve?

   Why do they even make car alarms anymore? When's the last time you heard one and didn't just walk away muttering about what a douche they are?

   Max Factor - A mathematical equation based on the density of the makeup applied to a woman's face to determine if she is really beautiful.

   Two blondes fall down a pit. First Blonde: "It's dark in here isn't it..." Second Blonde: "I don't know, I can't see..."

   Grab somebody sexty, Text them hey, Send me everything tonight.

   We live in the "WTF" generation. [W]ikipedia [T]witter [F]acebook

   Steve Jobs was born out of wedlock, put up for adoption at birth, dropped out of college, then changed the world. What's your excuse?

   Kinda sad that future generations wont get the joy of watching scrabbled porn..."Is that a boobie or an elbow??...Hmm I dont know but it's gonna have too do"...

   If you can't fix it with duct tape, WD-40 or a martini it aint worth fixing.

   Idea: October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.. instead of posting your color bra, why not take a pic of your boobs, post them and say "Save These!" . .why beat around the bush? (or bare floor)