Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Melissa Etheridge is single, with four kids by two different chicks. Sounds like someone is ready for the NBA.

   Here lies Eddie Drake, he stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

   I dressed up as MySpace for Halloween. Hey why is everyone ignoring me?

   so far I've handed out 23 caramel covered onions on a stick to trick or treaters... life is fun

   Best part of Halloween is the day after…clearance candy in the stores and drunken slutty pictures on Facebook.

   Happy Halloween. You don't need a costume, your face is scary enough as is.

   If you want to visit a real graveyard this Halloween just log back onto MYSPACE.

   I don't know understand what the big deal is about those Halloween movies. A plot that centers around the actor that played Austin Powers , Shrek and Wayne Cambpell going around killing people doesn't sound scary to me.

   Kim Kardashian requests her privacy during this time. Just her, an E! camera crew & 30 black dudes dragging their sacks across her face.

   I feel like I should apologize to my shower drain.

   ok but i'm out of cialis so you have to wear the boba fett mask

   it weird that one of my nuts is bigger than the other two?

   The power went out, so I'm taking my shower by LED flashlight, just like they did in the olden days.

   I think I weigh, I don't know...74317.965555 pats of butter.

   The Mystery Machine gang were the first Ghost Hunters to debunk ghosts..

   only giving out chocolate covered caramel to trick or treaters cause that's how I "Rolo".

   Geez!....Drop a couple "fun size" Absolute miniatures in a trick-or-treater's sack and suddenly it's a neighborhood "incident".

   Using Candy from last yr for "trick or treaters" =)

   Poor Kris Humphries. The NBA strike won't allow him to dribble and shoot and neither will Kim Kardashian.

   I'm dressing up as the ghost of the 2011 NBA season. It's not like anyone is gonna see me or care to see me anyway.